“Patience is the virtue which makes us accept for love of God, generously and peacefully, everything that is displeasing to our nature, without allowing ourselves to be depressed by the sadness which easily comes over us when we meet with disagreeable things,” writes Fr. Gabriel of St. Mary Magdalen, O.C.D in Divine Intimacy.
Because all things work for the good of those who love God (Romans 8:28), every suffering that we encounter, whether it is a major trial or a minor annoyance, is the best thing for us at the moment to help us along the way to Heaven. When we suffer, we are being perfected. The Lord once said to St. Teresa of Avila, “Know that the souls dearest to My Father are those who are afflicted with the greatest sufferings.” I suspect there is a direct correlation between the degree to which we endure disagreeable things, and the degree to which we grow as a result of that suffering.
When we find we are lacking patience in an area, whether it is enduring difficult people or situations, then we can learn from this experience and choose to mortify our tendency to become angry, resentful, frustrated, or depressed – some of the “anti-fruits” of patience – when we encounter these daily crosses in the future. At first we may experience these feelings, but choose not to make an exterior display of them, making others aware of our impatience and displeasure. Over time, this exterior action, combined with prayer and the Sacraments, will have an effect on our hearts. With God’s grace, the interior transformation will begin.
St. Therese of Lisieux is one model of patience and charity:
“Therese deliberately sought the company of the sisters who, on account of their imperfections, were shunned by others, or those who pleased her least. One of these was very difficult to live with on account of her crotchety character and disagreeable manner. Therese forced herself to treat her “as she would the person that she loved most.” At times when she was tempted to give a sharp answer, she treated the Sister’s rudeness with a friendly smile. This puzzled the nun so much that she asked the Saint one day why she was so attracted to her. Therese replied that she smiled each time they met because she was “glad to see her.” In recounting this incident later, she added with a twinkle in her eye: “Of course I didn’t tell her that I was acting from a supernatural motive.” We learn from the Saint herself that her charity towards that Sister gained for her so great a grace that, from that time, she had no further difficulty in practicing that virtue.
When others complained to her about the unpleasant character of that nun and the annoyance they suffered on her account, she replied: “Be very kind to that Sister. It is both an act of charity and an exercise of patience. We must not allow our own souls to be upset and yield to interior bitterness. We must sweeten our minds by charitable thoughts. After that, the practice of patience will become almost natural.” (Rev. Francois Jamart, O.C.D., Complete Spiritual Doctrine of St. Therese of Lisieux, pp. 96-97)
The greatest model of patience is Jesus who suffered in His Passion, not only without complaint, but also with love for the very ones who were crucifying Him. Saint Faustina writes, “During Holy Mass, I saw Jesus stretched out on the Cross, and He said to me, ‘My pupil, have great love for those who cause you suffering. Do good to those who hate you.’
I answered, ‘O my Master, You see very well that I feel no love for them, and that troubles me.’
Jesus answered, ‘It is not always within your power to control your feelings. You will recognize that you have love if, after having experienced annoyance and contradiction, you do not lose your peace, but pray for those who have made you suffer and wish them well.’” (Divine Mercy in My Soul, paragraph 1628) One way to pray for difficult people, especially those we might consider enemies, is to pray, “Lord, grant them happiness in this life and in the next.”
Fr. Gabriel explains how we can develop patience: “In order to begin to practice patience, we must try to bear daily annoyances and sufferings resignedly, without complaint knowing that divine Providence does not permit any trial that will not be a source of good for us. In the beginning, and even for a long time, we may experience a great repugnance for suffering. Nevertheless, if we try to accept it as we should, with constancy, peace, and submission to the divine will, we shall gradually be cognizant of the great spiritual profit that flows from it; we shall feel more detached from creatures and from ourselves, and closer to God. Then shall we come to value suffering spontaneously; and later, having experienced its spiritual fruitfulness more completely we shall finally come to love it.
But let us have no illusions: the love of suffering is the summit of patience; it is the fruit of patience brought to perfection. To reach this height, we must begin with a much humbler practice; that is , the peaceful and uncomplaining acceptance of everything that makes us suffer.” (Divine Intimacy, p. 378)
